Let Them Fall

I have been in education for thirty-two years. I have spent thirty years as a full-time educator at Grace Academy. I have taught sixth grade through twelfth grade in various disciplines. I have coached basketball for thirteen years, led the junior high and high school Student Leadership Council, and have served as an administrator for thirteen years. Okay, “so why the resume’ Mr. Pearce?” I simply want to make clear that this is an area I am qualified to write. Just a side note: I am raising two children of my own, and where they are not perfect people, I am in the trenches with you.

In our current era of child-rearing, society, even in the Christian realm, has moved away from the foundational practices that served us well and made us who we are today. We have done this because we believe we could do better than our parents, regardless of the positive outcomes of their parenting. We don’t want our children to spend their summers picking berries, mowing lawns, or babysitting. To this end, we have not taught them the value of hard work and financial responsibility. So many parents do not make their children look an adult in the eye when spoken to. They often do not make them talk to adults at all. At the first sign of trouble academically or socially, parents email the teacher or come running to the school to confront the teacher. Students are no longer asked to go first to their teachers to see if they can solve the problem together or go to the student causing them perceived or factual issues to see if they can resolve it independently. Neither approach bodes well for the student unless you will plan the same with their college professors, roommates, employers, or spouses. 

We as a society are not teaching our young ones to do the hard things in life. They are called “hard things” because they are just that. They will not get easier to deal with as our children travel through life, but we can better prepare them if we let them struggle a little now. The earlier, the better. 

Here are a few tips that will help your children and eventually give you or your child fewer reasons to take action. First, when there is a conflict, ask your child what part they played in the issue. Push a little. My dad always used to say, “It takes two to tango.” Almost every conflict has two perspectives: remember, our children are not sinless little angels. Secondly, be concerned with your child’s heart. This circles back to number one: your child. What is the spiritual condition of your child’s heart? Do they love themselves more than others? We have “all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). They will not suddenly turn perfect, but they, like us all, need Jesus. Once they have accepted Jesus Christ in their hearts and the Holy Spirit has entered their lives, your children’s hearts should transform into an “other’s first” attitude. We live in the world we do, so there will still be sin and conflict, but our outlook and means of handling these things should be very different. 

Thirdly, we should examine our motives in each of these situations. Is it simply to be right or to never see the fault in our children? Or do we have the right motives to want what is best for children, to prepare them for what’s to come? I have known families that keep their children in such a sterile world that when they do get sick, it is bad. The body has not built up immunity. Likewise, if our children do not learn to do the hard things from a young age, they will have a tough life ahead, and you will not always be there to pick them up. Teaching them how to deal with life biblically will assure them that whatever comes their way, the Holy Spirit will always be with them, even when you are not. As a matter of fact, He is much better and more reliable at guiding your children than you are.

So, love them as parents should. But, let them fall, struggle, and lose sleep. This will cause a reliance on their Heavenly Father, not you. 

“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  (John 14:25-26)

 

-Timothy Pearce